Saturday, 7 July 2012

June 2012 Top Beer & Pub Tweets

Eleven of the best from June, a month dominated by a jubilee and the Euros. Starting the trawl with one for the monarchists


11)
How will I be celebrating the Jubilee this weekend? I'll be drinking in Bar Humbug.
Arise Sir Pete 
10)
Current charmer at bar informs me I'm a space cake (don't know), have big tits (incorrect) and that lesbians make him happy. Eject button?
Yeah go on, you are in the trade now after all

9)
Boulder and Bridgeport both claiming to be the oldest craft brewery in Colorado. ENOUGH DAMMIT! THIS IS HOW WE LOST TUPAC


8)
June walks into a bar, the bar man says 'why the long day?'


7)
1-0 Germany. Gomez beats a half-arsed offside trap as easily as a 15-year-old sneaking past a Wetherspoon's bouncer, and slots it in.
Eat your heart out, Hansen

6)
Proud to say I've slowed my drinking down to only 7 nights a week
Paul Calf: I'll stop drinking. OK, I'll cut down. On spirits. Through the week.

5)
Dick Advocaat on the Russian bench, looking, as ever, like Mayor Quimby after a decade of Tennent's Super
Dont get this level of simile on MoTD

4)
Fridays mean nothing to us now, we have only two types of days, working or dead.
Aye, takes me back to those happy days in the Gulag

3)
A man walks into a bar, and his alcohol problem slowly tears his family apart.
All the darkness, but none of the humour


2)
Win a Wife's weight in beer! sign up here:
When I started the award for "most novel prize by a brewer wanting to boost number of twitter followers" last month didnt envisage it being a regular feature but this just might have topped @fallenbrew 's IQ effort from last month

1) VerifiedDrunk @VerifiedDrunk
"I think I'll eat all the doughnuts now to get a jump start on breakfast tomorrow so I can have one more drink tonight." --alcoholic logic
OK I dont do that so much any more, but the sentiment still resonates
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Saturday, 2 June 2012

May 2012 Top Beer & Pub Tweets

May, the month CAMRA dedicate to Dark Beer. Co-incidentally there is a dark undercurrent to this month's top Beer and Pub tweets, starting with my new favourite twitname

 
17)
I like my women how I like my beer bottles: empty and broken.
Don't say I didn't warn you


16)
If you're dreading Monday morning at work, just relax. That drunk text you sent your boss last night should ensure there won't be many more
Ah work, scourge of the drinking classes as someone much more profound than me once said. Same theme has been on Eddie's mind

15)
Tiger beer. It's a bit dear. Gets ye drunk. Then Monday fear.
...and Joshua's too


14)
I like being Drunk 'pon a Sunday Afternoon. The Weekend hath still endless possibilities, & the working week may Violate Itself most ROUGHLY
Well said Sir Sir. OK lets have a break from all this heaviness. I know: some overheard bar-room wisdom will cheer us up 


13) 
"were not in a hurry here. its not mcdonalds"


12)
How many expletives can the sun dominoes boys come up with,marvellous amalgamation of sweary words at machine gun fire speed
Oh stop teasing us and give us some examples, used to strong language round here.

Courtesay of @thepoke & @murderersphil




11)
My its a struggle tonight! Feel like I am running a marathon with a deep sea divers suit on. Ooof,looking forward to coast riptide
Hope you didn't get the bends because the Riptide was well worth waiting for.


10) 
Think I might be addicted to drinking brake fluid. It's ok though, I can stop at anytime.

9)
To become a Christian you need a baptism, Islam a declaration that there's "no god but Allah", Rastafarianism a sunny day and 3 Red Stripes
Of course May also meant the arrival of Summer which always makes it an odd choice for the Beer Buffs celebration of Mild. Arrival of the heat hadn't slipped past Tweety's attention

 
8)
Madam, I am no dermatologist but I suggest you return 1 of the 6 bottles of smart price Irish cream liqueur and invest in some sunblock
Or Sooty's

7)
I am in a bar. Everyone in here looks like the cast of ‘Home And Away’. I look like the cast of ‘One Foot In The Grave’.
Regardless of the seasons Beer Festivals carry on...

6)
Taken the day off work to go to the Kingston upon Thames Beer Festival. Imagine the cast of Dads Army channelling The Pogues.
That is some exquisite descriptions of Drinking crowds in under 140 characters, top work chaps. The ghosts of Joyce & Hemmingway are certainly wandering the corridors of Twitter this month


5)
Good to hear Miles Davis cited at . "For each good brew there's a good story to tell."
Bitchin' Des, just Bitchin'


Reviving an old TB&P theme of pointless brewery Dray pics,
 here is one of Fyne's hired truck snapped outside the Last Post



4)
MC Escher walks into a bar. The barman gives him a funny stair.
That's more like it: short and punchy. Bit too clever and arty to make the top spot mind

3)
Ooo...100 followers. It's not a gold at the WBC but it's a start! Your IQ in bottles for the 1000th, with proof! Don't go clicking unfollow!
Winning the most novel incentive prize of the month award

2)
Hungover? Try hair of the dog. Sounds disgusting, but if it's a short-haired dog & you sprinkle it over a salad it's totes manageable.
Another regular here who always comes close.

But this months top spot has to go the one that always makes you think,"of course, why hasn't anyone said that before..."
1)
a man walks into a bar (it's a inn joke)
OK that's the standard Twitter, lets see what you can do in June
 
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Thursday, 3 May 2012

April top Beer and Pub Tweets

The Twitter Trawl through of all things beery kicks off with a view from the other side of the bar 

 13)
Always one sleazy guy hanging off the bar at the end of the night
Phew, glad I stayed in that night.
 
Meanwhile the Borderer upstarts have their own issues to deal with when it comes to obsessive types...
12)
Email just arrived in - "hello my name is Mr Peter Tempest and keep up the good work" people changing there name already, bad sign!


11)
The old codger with his pint sitting down opposite me would make a great picture for a magazine
Before this guy got hacked seemed to be making a worthwhile contribution to all things Ale. Check for spam before clicking Follow

10)
"DarkNESS a real threat to mankind says Pope" must prefer lighter hoppy ales to stouts?
Perhaps thats what JC had in mind with all the talk about the Truth, the Light & the Way
...
And keeping it new Testament, here's Tweety
9)
Working late, no holiday weekend beers for me till last orders - I expect to be the last supper.


8) 
On April 21st, pig racing is on the agenda at The Pointer Inn, Alresford, Essex.
How can you possibly resist that? Note also "Agenda" as though the pig racing is part of a wider, more formal Business meeting.

Time for some of my favourite source of Twisdom, the overheard pisshead 

7)
Come here son, I'm giving free history lessons. OK, go for it. I've been stood here for pure ages, gonny gies 2 pints.


6)
`i like the new way of making ny drink` `we just put it in a different shaped glass` `oh`


5)
*overheard outside sugar* bouncer : "no the night lads" guys reply "no what yer maws gonna say when we chap her door"
That last contributor not the most obvious member of the Drinking, Mostly demographic, but little doubt she is the Glasgow-based twensation of recent times. Here's another post which I could sort of relate to

4)
Going into Lloyds and having to leave cause yer shoes urney meant to stick to the floor


Speaking of less obvious demographics WillBros looking to branch out
3)
you missed the point. I want to see our beer in more strip bars and dives. I don't hang out in yuppy bars no more

2)
This coffee stout is too hot, flat, and doesn't have enough hops. Oh hang on, it actually is coffee.
Bringing us back to where we belong

...& finally this month's top spot with some finely obseved home-truths
1)
The CAMRA Formation Handbag Swinging Team was in fine form today. And the Pram-Toy Chucking invitational went extremely well.
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Monday, 2 April 2012

March 2012 Top Beer & Pub Tweets

Here it is then, the column that makes starting a new month almost worthwhile: A wry look back at the best of last month's Pub, Beer and general Drink related utterances scraped from the well worn sole of Twitter 

21)
Glasgow's BrewDog allow dogs. I hadn't realised. Out of the side of my eye I thought I saw a lion. It was a big dog. A big lovely dog. Ace.
Only follow this surrealist because @adamsh told me to, they are so unalike. Therein lies the beauty of Twitter

20)
5 of the funniest people on Twitter walk into a bar, and no one recognizes them.
Along with its anonymity of course

19)
Weekend thirst? CAMRA has picked a very strong list of top ales for : (We'd add 's Punk IPA)
Retweeted by
ShortList Totally stirring it there, but nice to see the Beardie liberation front playing along with the gag

18) Fyne Ales @Fyneales
On average every pint of beer needs 6 pints of water to make it. Fight the Hosepipe ban - drink Scottish Beer.
Marketing opportunity from natural crisis

 17)
Hungry and beer hungry, which first?

Beer hunger. That's why kebab shops are open after the pubs.
Wee insight into Stu's lifestyle there


16)
Eric Joyce MP has been 'banned from entering a pub.' Which one? I'm looking for somewhere I can have a quiet pint.


15)
There's a new pub in Glasgow called the Pourhouse? Pour doesn't even rhyme with poor in a Scottish accent
It does the way Eric Joyce pronounces it after he's had a few

14)
nail on head re: session beers. Some of us drink for the journey, others for the final destination. I prefer the journey
Stranded betwixt Pseuds Corner and Beer Philosophy Ken nailing his Zen colours to the mast there
 
13)
Looks like I'll get out for a beer tonight, been ages, well Monday
Without beer time is but a relative concept

Collectors item that one

12)
Last couple of mashes have been at 66.6°C! We are called DemonBrew after all ;-)


11)
Off for a pint with my father in law. He looks like Michael Parkinson, so if you see us, say hello. Though he might try and interview you.
Just a pity I don't have a book coming out soon

10)
Chap in the drum & monkey want 2 douchers, Freudian slip or wrong establishment on this block

9)
Well hello followers! Not been working today, guessing what our guest beers on reckon its vale spring ale3.9% ,dragonhead 4% ,red smiddy4.1
Something about The State's lackadaisical approach to tweeting that sets them apart from other Glasgow pubs

 
8)
Drinking a barrel aged blonde that tastes of coconut, its strange, I think in a good way, salty old school tanning oil
Single handedly reviving the tasting note of the month award there, but not quite strong enough to claim the top prize. Oh no. It goes to...
7)
Just tried the Leninenkugel's Wee Heavy... It tastes like corporate greed with an aftertaste of selling your family's legacy for $300M 


6)
Magic. Guy in the pub has been told not to fall asleep in the pub for a third time this week.
Give him a copy of the recently re launched Guzzler, sure to keep anyone awake

5)
Laurieston: Jarl, highlander, golf pro's & tennis ho's
Bar room poetry at its finest

4)
"it was a legitimate fire for tax purposes"
Just the sort of thing I was encouraging last month. Lets get that hashtag trending

Absolute genius Griffin sign Courtesy of @Borrachoeneldia


3)
Fletcher and levien kiss and make up with a pint of cauld reekie 6.2% . It's like a warm embrace in a glass. See you 6 tonight boys
The latest Glasgow pub to join Twitter showing worrying signs of delusion there. Lovely descritpion just the same.

2)
Three Words. That's all it takes to make the world a better place. Three Little Words. Say them now. "It's your round".
 
1)
In Glasgow there's a bar called Variety & an Indian restaurant called The Spice of Life. They're NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER.
Veritably a latter day Chic Murray
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